Amazon.com, Inc.
Online retailer Amazon just committed one of the worst crimes imaginable under the Trump administration: It told the truth.
There was a report early on April 29 that Amazon was going to start listing the added costs of President Donald Trump’s tariffs on the prices of its products. That would show American consumers that the tariffs Trump said wouldn’t cost them anything are, in fact, costing them something. Because that’s how tariffs work.
With its genetic predisposition to rejecting facts, the administration quickly lashed out at Amazon, with White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt telling reporters: “This is a hostile and political act by Amazon.”
A company telling the truth is a hostile act under Trump’s administration
Pause for a second and consider the implication: Being transparent with consumers about prices is now viewed as “a hostile and political act,” at least when it involves price increases the Trump administration desperately wants you to not notice.
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So serious was this hostile act of honesty that Trump himself got on the phone with Amazon founder Jeff Bezos – you know, the billionaire who joined other billionaires in the best-seats-in-the-house section at Trump’s inauguration. Faster than a falling Amazon delivery drone, the company raced out to kind of/sort of deny the whole thing.
“The team that runs our ultra-low-cost Amazon Haul store considered the idea of listing import charges on certain products,” Amazon spokeswoman Rachael Lighty said in a statement to USA TODAY. “This was never approved and is not going to happen.”
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To which Trump, speaking like he was auditioning for an upcoming Martin Scorsese mafia flick, said of his call to Bezos: “He was terrific. He solved the problem very quickly. He did the right thing.”
Amazon’s accidental honesty exposes Trump officials’ lies about tariffs
From a moral standpoint, that certainly wasn’t “the right thing,” and from a practical standpoint, “solved the problem” is wildly inaccurate.
Amazon’s momentary lapse of veracity, coupled with the Trump administration’s panicked reaction to said veracity, shows every American that the president’s stupid tariffs are, in fact and of course, going to raise the prices of things we buy.
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Economists have told us that. People like me have shouted it from the rooftops. But now the largest online retailer in America and the “PLEASE DON’T TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT WE’RE DOING!” administration itself have spilled the beans.
It must be embarrassing for a Trump-butt-kissing billionaire like Bezos to see his company accidentally tell the truth. So to help with that, I’ve written a statement Amazon officials are free to use to apologize to their customers.
And now, a prepared statement of apology Amazon is welcome to use
Greetings valued Amazon customer:
We write to you today regarding a scurrilous report that we recently told the truth. Worse yet, the report of that alleged truth may have reflected poorly on President Donald Trump and his truly fabulous and amazing administration. For that, and for any clarity we may have unwittingly provided, we are deeply sorry and would like to offer you this $1 coupon for your next purchase.
The report claimed we were considering listing the cost of President Trump’s incredibly smart tariffs next to the total price of some of our goods. What a silly idea, one we were definitely not ever considering doing. How could we list the cost of tariffs when they aren’t going to cost anything, right? (Please click here to acknowledge that you agree with this. Any customers who don’t click will lose their Amazon Prime membership.)
The real truth is that any price increase you might see on Amazon does not exist. Maybe you need new glasses? Or perhaps there’s something wrong with your brain. You should probably get that checked out at Amazon One Medical.
We are sorry if any factual information that might allow our customers to reach their own conclusions was inadvertently released. That will not happen again.
If you consent to believing none of this ever happened in the first place, click here and receive your $1 coupon.
Happy shopping!
— Amazon
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk
