It’s perplexing how Marvel keeps trying to make this particular fetch happen. Perhaps there’s a rabid fanbase of Fantastic Four lovers out there, swarming around like the aforementioned cicadas as they clamor for IMAX-based interpretations of their beloved team. After “Superman” injected some fun and humor into the genre, my hopes for this one were high.
I had a good reason for my optimism. “The Fantastic Four: First Steps” tries a different approach than its predecessors. Director Matt Shakman returns the team to the swinging 1960s, the decade when Stan Lee and Jack Kirby created them. The cinematography by Jess Hall and Alexandra Byrne’s costumes looks suitably retro. Even the ABC TV show that fawns over the Fantastic Four in the film’s opening scene looked like a time capsule of garish colors and simplified sets.
Unfortunately, neither a timeframe change nor the work of four screenwriters (Josh Friedman, Eric Pearson, Jeff Kaplan, Ian Springer) can fix the central problem with Fantastic Four movies: with one exception, the team members are colossal bores. They always remind me of just how much better Brad Bird’s FF-influenced Pixar movie, “The Incredibles,” handled the idea of a close-knit family unit of crimefighters.
“Fantastic Four: First Steps” even uses “The Incredibles” composer, Michael Giacchino, to underscore its heroes. The normally reliable Giacchino’s score is slathered on this movie with a very heavy hand, dulling its impact.
For the uninitiated, the Fantastic Four were astronauts who went into space and came back with superpowers caused by cosmic rays. In the quartet, the extremely elastic Richards (Pedro Pascal) is joined by his wife, Sue Storm, alias Invisible Woman (Vanessa Kirby); her brother Johnny Storm, the “The Human Torch” (Joseph Quinn); and their best friend, Ben Grimm, who goes by The Thing (Ebon Moss-Bachrach, Richie from “The Bear”).
The superpowers of The Thing’s cohorts are described by their names. But Grimm is called The Thing because the cosmic rays made him mutate into a large, rocky, human-shaped mass. This makes him grumpy–imagine what he spends on moisturizer—but it also makes him the sole interesting character in every cinematic iteration of the FF. Like Michael Chiklis before him, Moss-Bachrach relishes creating this character with his voice and his facial expressions.
“Fantastic Four: First Steps” uses that ABC show to get us up to speed. Their backstory, and their famous battle with Mole Man (Paul Walter Hauser) are recapped by the show’s smarmy host, Ted Gilbert (Mark Gatliss). Before a live studio audience, Gilbert extols the virtues of his favorite guests, delivering information about their whereabouts and their adventures.
The FF has a large public following who are especially interested in the news that Sue Storm is pregnant. Her scientist husband has concerns about whether their child will be affected by the rays that permanently altered his parents. As the expected birth time grows near, Ben and Johnny gush about becoming the Grouch Uncle and the Dirty Old Man Uncle, respectively.
Also interested in the Richards’s baby is a silver being on a surfboard, who delivers a message to the denizens of Earth that their planet is slated for demolition. Fans will recognize this character as The Silver Surfer (Julia Garner). Despite its dire message, Johnny thinks this creature is hot because it takes the form of a woman who may or may not be butt naked and covered in silver.
The Silver Surfer is in cahoots with a planet devouring god named Galactus (Ralph Ineson) whose glowing eyes and odd shape make it look like a deranged capital letter H. His threat sends the FF back into outer space to investigate.
“Fantastic Four: First Steps” alternates between battle sequences that you’ve seen countless times and interminable scenes of exposition disguised as emotional beats. The actors play this poorly written material as if they were doing Ibsen, which is commendable, but their attempts fail because you truly don’t give a damn about their plight.
My mind kept wandering elsewhere, so please pardon me if I can’t provide more details on why Galactus will spare the Earth if he can get the Richards baby. It doesn’t really matter anyway, because like all of these Marvel movies, the climax is nothing more than maximum architectural carnage and frantic scurrying. The only bright spot in the final scenes is Mole Man, whom Hauser plays with an infectious glee.
Watching this film so soon after the superior “Superman” may have spoiled me. But for the misguided racists who thought James Gunn’s movie was “too woke,” you’ll have a field day misreading this movie. There is no mention of immigrants, the main concern is an unborn white baby who’s shown in utero looking like a toddler, and there’s a smiling Black woman in here whose character has so little to do that I wrote “who is this Black lady?” in my notes three separate times.
To its credit, the mercifully short by Marvel standards “Fantastic Four: First Steps” does leave us with an important piece of advice. Late in the film, a character says “in the End of Days, we’ve all got to learn how to laugh.” Look around you, and say “Amen” to that.
★1/2
FANTASTIC FOUR: FIRST STEPS
Directed by Matt Shakman. Written by Josh Friedman, Eric Pearson, Jeff Kaplan, Ian Springer. Starring Pedro Pascal, Vanessa Kirby, Joseph Quinn, Ebon Moss-Bachrach, Julia Garner, Ralph Ineson, Paul Walter Hauser, Mark Gatliss. At AMC Boston Common, Landmark Kendall Square, Alamo Drafthouse Seaport, AMC Causeway, suburbs. 119 min. PG-13 (violence)
Odie Henderson is the Boston Globe’s film critic.
